I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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