he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
