JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
