god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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