he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
