Screwed.edu
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
