i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
