How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
