im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
