for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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