She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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