he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
