the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
