OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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