There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
