Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
