Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
