Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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