I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
