I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
