My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
