im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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