Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
