Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think my vagina is haunted
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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