I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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