I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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