They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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