You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
