she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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