I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
