There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
