i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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