I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
