He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it glows. i had to have it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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