I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
