I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
