sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
