the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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