i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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