I would go down on you faster than GM stock
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
