My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
