why didn't you poke me back
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
