..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
