Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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