My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
