Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
