Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
where are you?
Hypothermia
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
