That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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