he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
