she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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