doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
