Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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