Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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