I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
