.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
